The Colour Chart

10 05 2010

So true.


Unlikely Story

31 03 2010

This is a note sent to a teacher in regard to a picture (that we all have seen) a little girl drew of her mommy at work.

This year’s Ontario Economic Cheque…

30 03 2010

Just in Case You Get a Cheque….

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic Stimulus payment i.e HST rebate.  This is a very exciting program from the Ontario government.
I’ll explain it using the Q and A format:

Q.  What is Ontario’s Economic Stimulus payment?
A.  It is money that the provincial government will send to taxpayers.

Q.. Where will the government get this money?
A.  From taxpayers..

Q.  So the government is giving me back my own money?
A.  Only a smidgen.

Q..  What is the purpose of this payment?
A.  The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q.  But isn’t that stimulating the economy of Asia ?
A.  Shut up or you don’t get your check.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Canadian economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

1.  If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to China .
2.  If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Saudi Arabia .
3.  If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .
4.  If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras or Guatemala ..
5.  If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea ..
6.  If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to Taiwan ..
7.  If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to pay management bonuses and be hidden in offshore accounts.

Or, you can keep the money in Canada by:

1.   spending it at yard sales or flea markets, or
2.   going to baseball or football games, or
3.   hiring prostitutes, or
4.   buying cheap beer or
5.   getting tattoos.
These are the only wholly-owned businesses still operating in Canada.

The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until you’re drunk enough to go get tattooed.

Happy Birthday Andrew!!!

23 02 2010

To the best brother I have ever known and the coolest kid in the world, I wish you the best birthday ever.  Much love.

Here’s A happy Bday video for you:
Vodpod videos no longer available.

And another:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Now for your gift. Since I leave for Hong Kong tomorrow I’m coming back with this outfit for you. PENIS PANTS Baby!!!

Andrew Ordinary's future Bday outfit

Epic Wendy’s Review

19 02 2010

LOL.  I can’t believe someone wrote this review online.  I can’t believe I’m writing about them writing about it!  Enjoy.


Mushroom Kingdom Shore

21 01 2010

you knew it was gonna happen! Shamefully there is this weird Obsession for Jersey shore here at Read Kevin and just can’t get enough of the Jersey Shore spoofs… I’m gonna say I personally don’t watch the show (well I did watch the show for about 11 minutes before getting so mad at television I punched my dog) but shit I’d still watch any spoof of Jersey Shore and think I was watching the show.

Drunk Driving

8 01 2010

Recently a routine police patrol car parked outside a local neighbourhood pub.

Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing . After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles the man managed to find his car, which he fell into.
He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night). Then flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man’s intoxication.

The police officer said “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station – this breathalyser equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” said the man, “tonight I’m the designated decoy”.