Happy Birthday Andrew!!!

23 02 2010

To the best brother I have ever known and the coolest kid in the world, I wish you the best birthday ever.  Much love.

Here’s A happy Bday video for you:
Vodpod videos no longer available.

And another:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Now for your gift. Since I leave for Hong Kong tomorrow I’m coming back with this outfit for you. PENIS PANTS Baby!!!

Andrew Ordinary's future Bday outfit

Top Texts From Last Night

12 02 2010

Captain Phil from deadliest catch died… im trying to think of a memorial fb status but “ill miss your crabs” doesnt sound right

The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it’s not water.

How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.


Top 3 Text From Last Night

20 10 2009

iPhone Text(845): I’m not upset with you; I’m upset with Fox News.

(309): (917) i just came from walking. 
(309) haha you just came from walking?

(917): half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.


Top Texts From Last Night

24 09 2009

iPhone Text(416): Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I’m pretty sure this is why there aren’t more 26year-olds in management.

(214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

Top 3 greats from North America

15 09 2009

iPhone Text(404): i hope kanye doesn’t show up to patrick swayze’s funeral. ” i’ll let you get back to your funeral in a minute…but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn “.

(845): I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I’d already be at that point.

(702): Guy at red light looking at porn. I’m waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad

Texts From Last Night : 3 best from the tdot

14 09 2009

iPhone Text(902): So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
(416): Apparently you chose the latter.

(416): Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son…He’s on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out. I’ll keep you posted on who wins.

(416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

Text From Last Night

4 09 2009

iPhone Text

So my homeboy from work (I’m still in Louisville….mmmmokayyyyyy) told me about this website that posts peoples text messages.  This site is bloody hilarious.  Here are a few of the classics:

(734): i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.

(361): I’m retiring my vagina. Better yet I’m Farve-ing it.
(1-361): Def the best call fo sho
(361): That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.

(503): I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.